#1 - The Kick

The first blog post allegedly needs some confronting ‘kick’ of one kind or another. A thought or experience that sets off the initial action. The first hit of the ‘Publish’ button. It’s the turn of a doorknob that opens a window into yourself. Perhaps a room that you haven’t drawn back the curtains to the outside world ever before. It’s naturally daunting, and that’s why this kick is important. The two ways I can imagine receiving this kick is either a thought or an experience. An experience, I think, naturally holds more power. It connects to more senses, and deepens its impact in your psyche. Then off you go. You can’t close those curtains again. Nor would you wish to.  

So what was the experience? Dear reader, I thank you for asking so astutely. It turns out that the kick was so mundane I never realised it kicking me until the same question was thrown at me from many different angles at the same time. 

What do I want? 

What do I want in my career? As I’m offered another competitive role at an interesting company. I feel as though I’m stagnating.

“What do I want in my life?” Confides a friend of mine, prompting me to ask myself the same thing. I begin to notice the sychronicity in this question. 

What do I want to create? I now frame the question towards my artwork, music, and relationships. In a new, and far more compassionate way than I ever have before.

What do I want in my home? As I brace against a cold winter night outside making myself as cosy as I can. 

So in my case, the kick was the question. A question about what I want. There’s clearly no simple answer to any of these questions, I do apologise for the disappointment there. But sometimes it can feel simple. It can become clear. Somewhere in a mind constantly fogged by thought and expectation, the clouds may part. 

I suppose this is insight. The glimpse through the clouds. Something valuable to be gained from observing that clear picture, off in the distance. A new connection, a new perspective, or something else. For me, it was a sudden moment of clarity, delivered by a nagging-turned-swift quick. 

I want to write to you. An empty page no longer. I want to share my thoughts, no good keeping them around torturing only me. I want to become a friend to myself, through correspondence, compassion, expression, and forgiveness. Some things I write will be for this friend, and him only. He’s been reading terrible song lyrics, mushy poems, and far worse for many years. I ought to keep him satiated with more of the same. 

Though from time to time, I will hit that publish button. For no reason other than that which drives me to pick up the guitar and write those melancholic songs, or my brush to the canvas when words won’t do the trick alone. I’m driven to create. To allow creation to flow through me. Now I know that what I want is to create. Not just in my art, but in my home, my career, and my relationships. 

More to come.